The Dunkin Trilogy Hardcover

Last Updated on Friday, 21 May 2010 10:07

The Trilogy

Crap I draw...	Fraggin' PITA Text	Ooh! I wonder what the cover is going to look like? The one done by a REAL artist?

One-point-five MILLION characters... two-hundred-sixty-five thousand words... 500 pages......................what a pain in the ass!

I took this down the other night and returned all the money as I was in the middle of negotiations with a company that requested I suspend my marketing crap. I agreed to stop until after I told them to go away—which I did. Veinarmor is still a one-man crowd of alcoholics. They wanted me to do stuff, like write queries. QUERY! WTF? How's this: Hello, ya rat turd. I write stuff. Thousands read it, smile, and buy me rum. Here's my proposal: give me a sailboat; some liquor; a check—then go away.

Needless to say we never came to terms. I won't mention who it is—that would be unprofessional. As anyone for whom I host or build sites, edit their swill, or design some crap will tell you—I am the epitome of professionalism. Unless you turn yer back, or leave a bottle unguarded, or you can't see that I'm drinking while trying to figure out what the hell it is you want me to do about yer problem.

Anyway, here's your chance to get all four books under one hardcover with the dvd inside to boot.

100 Hardcovers with dust Jacket containing all three Dunkin books and the Devlin-Hell Hermit novel. Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse,  Devlin Abnormal Investigations, Case File The Hell Hermit, and Dunkin the Vampire Slayer; It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings—ALL UNDER ONE COVER. All signed and numbered and all with a sleeve inside the front cover containing a matching signed/numbered DVD with all four audiobooks on it. The book is huge, 540 pages. Over 240,000 words. Each comes with a certificate showing The Hack signing it. It's $37.00 pre-order right here only. Shipping is included if you are in the United States. If you are international, it's $50.00 shipping included. Apologies to my friends overseas, the book is heavy.

OH! And did I mention I hired a real artist to do the cover? (instead of my amateur crap -design like you see all over this site—Including that chintzy-ass illustration I did above.)  And we get to see what Devlin looks like? And it's gonna be awesome!!! With swords, and booze, and bodies, and carnage!

There will only be 100 copies made—ever. Numbers will be in the order taken. I'm giving number one to a hooker I met. Number 100 will go to one of you whom I pick by making you do something stupid. I'll ship them when I get around to it. Kat is doing the typo edits and someone else is working on the cover art. They will ship May 15th. OH! ANd to keep ya calm until I ship, you will also receive download links to: No, You Can't Have It, Bluetooth Bayou, Zane Sickle, Devlin II, Dunkin 3, etc. If you are a new fan of THE HACK, this is a great deal as you get all the audiobooks you can't get anywhere else and at $6-bucks each, they'd cost more than the book.

A few will be set aside as prizes for holders of craptacular DVD's. We'll do that some time this summer. This is your chance to get the whole series under one cover before some hack at the syfy channel pays me for the rights to make some lame-ass movie starring Barry Manilow as Devlin or some nonsense. I won't care as long as the check clears. It's all about the rum.

What's in the Hardcover Book		Cost	Buy @ Paypal
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes	Domestic US	$37.00
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer, Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse	International	50.00
Devlin Abnormal Investigations, Case File The Hell Hermit	Shipping	Free
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer; It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings
ALL UNDER ONE CLOTH COVER WITH A NICE JACKET I DIDN"T DESIGN	Ship Date	05/01/10
A matching signed/numbered DVD with all four audiobooks + Devlin II in a sleeve inside the front cover.
A link to download all the audiobooks you can't get anywhere else.

If you would rather buy from Ebay, use the contact form above to request an ebay listing, I'll make a listing and email you the link.

If you want something special signed, send me a note using the CONTACT form at the top of this friggin' pain-in-the-ass website.

*** A carton of six-bottles of Sailor Jerry Rum is $120 bucks. I drink a carton a month. So yeah, ya got me. Ya figured it out. This is just another cheap-ass Hack gimmick to secure his rum supply for the rest of the year. But just think... one of these days I'm gonna be too drunk to realize I've signed some kinda deal for the movie rights to the Dunkin Saga. Some rat-faced, pinch-lipped, tight=sphinctered lawyer will have my alcoholic ass bound up tighter than the chastity belt on a female IRS agent's soft bits. And there you'll be, holding one of only 100 copies of the Dunkin saga that exist in the entire world. I can see the Ebay frenzy now.