Global Swarming Synopsis:

Thor and Lily Schannisty are getting a divorce and thought they were having a bad year – but that was before the infection began to spread.

The foul-tempered butcher and the smartass vegetarian hoped they’d seen the last of each other – but that was before the first zombie attack.

They wished each other dead – but that was before the invasion by aliens so vile Ripley would have put a Do Not Disturb sign on her door rather than face them.

Armed with mutual loathing, a need for anger management classes, and a bloody axe, the two take the wildest ride Dizzyworld has ever seen.

Joining forces with mercenaries, a skinny horndog, a pirate with a cutlass in his marauder pants, a gay poodle, a Yiddish-speaking, scooter-driving old bitch, and a lawyer, they battle the undead while contemplating a class-action lawsuit. 

Oh, yeah.  There’s also some more crap lined up to destroy the Earth.

 INTERVIEW WITH KAT

Greg:    Kat, tell everyone how we met. 

Kat:     You don’t remember? 

Greg:  It was a long time ago and I was drinking. 

Kat:     It was nearly three years ago during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  NaNoWriMo holds a contest each year in November.  It’s a challenge for writers to come up with 50,000 words in thirty days.  Writers are encouraged to read a portion of each other’s novels.  I was searching for someone’s work to read.  I searched authors’ profiles for things we had in common – such as music or favorite authors.  If I remember correctly, I did a search for Christopher Moore and Greg’s profile popped up.  I saw his favorite book is The Ruins by Scott Smith***.  I thought that showed a distinct lack of taste, and reading his novel would be a waste of my time, but then the title caught my eye.  He was writing Zane Zickle: Stand-Up Comic and Adventurer.  I thought the title was fairly clever so took the time to read the posted chapter. 

The fact that he wrote such a funny book in thirty days impressed the hell out of me so I emailed him.  We struck up a conversation until he passed out.  The next time I heard from him, he suggested I join a writer’s website,     http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/index.html.

I’ll always be grateful to him because the other writers on the site have helped improve my writing.  That almost makes up for all the times Greg has reviewed my work and told me to kiss his ass because I’m funnier than him. 

Greg:  I have never done that! 

Kat:  Despite your smug superiority complex about computers, even I have the ability to cut and paste. 

Greg:  Never mind. 

Kat:  Greg has stalked me ever since.  It’s embarassing really.  I’m sure his fans don’t realize what a sycophant he is.  “Kat, yer so good lookin’.  Kat, yer a comic genius.  Kat, I wish I had yer slippery word skills.  Kat, did we get married last night?  I remember singin’ some karoke and having a few beers. 

Greg:  That never happened. 

Kat:  Greg, I wish it never happened.  Being stalked isn’t all that much fun.  No doubt you’ll find out some day if you are ever able to achieve my slippery word skills. 

Greg:  Let’s change the subject.  The first thing I asked you to co-write with me was a self-help book.  Whatever happened to that project? 

Kat:  You tell me.  I gave you about 20 chapters.  I assume you ran out of toilet paper in that backwoods hellhole where you live. 

Greg:  Damnit, woman!  Yer makin’ me look bad in front of all my fans!   

Kat:  Greg, do you deny saying to your fans, “"I don’t give a fuck if you enjoyed it, as long as you bought it." 

Greg:  That’s true.  I do say that. 

Kat:  That’s no way to treat your fans.  If  your fans became my fans, I’d send my boyfriend Richard over to clean their bathrooms.  They should pay no attention to the creepy guy in rubber gloves and just admire their gleaming white toilet bowls. 

Greg:  Who cares about toilets, ya slattern!  At least I got you involved with the Literary Lugwrench. 

Kat:  That you did, for the first 15 or so episodes and then you dropped me like an insurance company drops a patient for having pre-existing anal warts. 

Greg:  I keep forgetting to email you. 

Kat:  Now why would that be? 

Greg:  At least tell all my fans how much fun you’ve had working on Global Swarming with me. 

Kat:  I’ve had so much fun working on Global Swarming with Greg.  Especially that part in the outline where he said, “You’re on your own.” 

Greg:  You’re pissin’ me off.  We must be married! 

Kat:  Not until you’re making six figures a year. 

Greg:  What else are you working on? 

Kat:  I blog at  http://katnovian.com/, and as soon as we finish Global Swarming, I plan on finishing my book of satiric essays, If I Can’t Wave Like a Princess, I Must Be A Loser.  I’ll probably add a chapter about working with you. 

Greg:  Ah…thanks? 

Kat:  You’re welcome.

(editor: I'll put up with a lot of shit from Kat, but saying my favorite book is The Ruins is intolerable. I experienced more plot movement from a drunk hooker than I did reading that book. )

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